Coleen Nolan's Rabbit

The room dynamic of any show is something that's understood by punters the world over. Madison Square Garden, The Albert Hall, The Dog & Duck, The School Nativity Play, it's always the same. The performers are there to entertain, the audience are there to appreciate. Them's the rules, and it's the way it works. Even in the heckler-heavy world of standup comedy, it's understood that the loudmouth in the crowd is definitely not going to be more engaging than the act, he's fodder for acid put-downs and barbed responses.

The thing is, nobody had told the happily sozzled older gentleman in the slightly too-big suit in Bob Trollop's one rainy Tuesday night on Newcastle Quayside circa 2009. 

I was playing with Dan Walsh, early in his career which currently sees him as one of the best folk musicians in the world. We were doing quite well with our usual mix of rock n roll standards, folked up pop tunes and silly banter when, in a moment of silence between tunes, he spoke. 

"You'll never guess what's in my house"

The dynamic changed instantly. Bob's was a tiny bar, no bigger than a living room and suddenly we were all riveted. The punters, the bar staff, us. We were hanging on his every word. Dan and I were no longer the entertainment, we were all his audience as he prepared to reveal what unbelievable item was in his house. 

"Coleen Nolan's Rabbit"

It was, as he had promised, something we would never have guessed. The bobtailed pet of a former pop songstress was definitely not even in my top ten guesses. The thing was, it was clear that he couldn't possibly leave it at that. We were captivated, and there was a sudden unspoken understanding that this guy was now top of the bill, and not another note was going to be played until he'd finished his act. 

"She came to the door and said 'will ya look after me rabbit while I'm away on tour. I'll give you a copy of me book ' and I said 'I divvent want ya book pet, 'cos it's shite, but I'll look after ya rabbit for ya'"

And with that, he turned back to the bar, laughing. Everyone else started laughing, and staring at each other in confused joy. Nobody understood it, nobody had asked for it, and it ended as suddenly as it had begun, but as we started to play again the upshot was clear. Nobody in that room was going to remember us, and the only thing anyone would recall from that gig was Colleen Nolan's rabbit.